i tend to soundtrack every milestone in my life.
i can relate every moment -good or bad- to a song. i must say sometimes the shittiest song of all fits perfectly in a moment that could be awkward, dull or totally wrong -almost illegal- but at the end of all it makes sense.
music is that force that helps me through the day when i’m feeling down. music maximizes those joyful days and soothes me on those lonely nights.
songs are always the best answer for all my questions.
songs have always been my best allies in crime when i try to flirt. when i wanted to end something. when i wanted to love someone. when i wanted to live carelessly in this crazy world we live in.
when i think of me a song is playing in the background and as long as i try to talk to entertain a faux audience in the middle of nowhere i start mumbling that song… the one that i always mumble when i have nothing better to say. suddenly i feel the rhythm getting under my skin warmly and my hips start to shake and my head start to bang automatically just like i lost control of my own body and i start dancing like a fool and that’s fine. i’m shameless. i’m free. and i feel like i am adored.
i think i am ready to be adored. back then i was so afraid to be adored. i felt like a heavy weight was crushing my spine. me and my stupid head always trying to save that little piece of heart i had left. and now i know that little heart still beating like a freaking drum… poom…poom…poommm…. bang! even when it is broken it sticks together and beats like a drum.
that’s me in the spotlight and i am alive.
i guess it’s true when they say you have to grow old to be wise. i am aware now.
i was afraid because i tend to listen. and all my life i’ve been told to never give my heart to anyone. to be careful to not fall in love like a fool. to choose the one that loves you more than you do. to think with your head and not listen to your heart.
and now i know it’s all bullshit.
but i know that if i would choose the one i love it would be a twisted story like margot and richie tenenbaum. even when he’s not my brother. it would be wrong.
i am not alone because i have the most amazing little man joining me in this trip. the most important thing in my life. my everything. and now i’m screwed because i raised my standards even higher for someone new. because anybody is gonna be that good for us. because my little man deserves the best of this world. and you know what? i deserve it too.
tonight the night tastes so much like peter gabriel’s “in your eyes” spiced with smashing pupmkins’ “1979”, michael buble’s “everything”, r.e.m’s “strange currencies” , moby’s “slipping away” and smiths’ “asleep”…
some melancholy for the soul.